Journal Entry: "Overcoming Obstacles"

If there’s anything I’ve already learned about basic training is what an emotional roller coaster it can be…at least for me. I keep having these weak moments where I am fatigued and unable to maintain my proper perspective. Yesterday during lunch was the lowest point since night one. What had changed? Absolutely nothing but my brain chemistry from over exertion and less than 4 hours of sleep. We had just finished our first bayonet class, and when the adrenaline dropped I cratered. This fear and doubt and melancholy crept in and I could feel, almost hear, the battle raging in my head to toss those useless thoughts aside and press on, but some part of me felt obligated to indulge the misery. This voice likes to dwell on the darkest scenarios of death and failure. It likes to try to convince me that I am not strong enough; that my family isn’t going to survive this; that I’m going to get myself killed or worse that I will survive some attack only to live the remainder of my days as a burden to my loved ones. It’s a creeping anxiety and it lays in wait for a weak moment to attack my resolve. If this sounds a little melodramatic, it’s only to underscore how powerful an emotional event it can be. When you hear of people crying or breaking down in training it’s because they lost this battle. And it is a battle. You have to stand up to your thoughts and push them aside and soldier on. It’s a frightening experience and it all takes place in your head. You would never know if the person next to you was in a tormented struggle for emotional control of himself.

I’m convinced that true greatness, true personal strength, belongs to those who can win that internal battle decisively and defeat the enemy within.